


Friends in Misery

by xantissa



Series: Carnival of Rust [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Ending, Fix-It, Gen, dubious medicine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 18:37:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xantissa/pseuds/xantissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and Spock have a conversation about Jim’s plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friends in Misery

**Author's Note:**

> It's just a filler chapter, a chance to explain some things and show Spock as the steadfast friend that he truly is. in other news - five more fics are already written (yay) and according to common desire the "Shower of Evil" scene has been incorporated and happens in the next fic.

Jim swallowed and looked back at Spock. The Vulcan was sitting stiffly in the opposite chair, his face as composed as ever. He knew he had to say something but it was just so hard, so dam hard to explain just what was going on with him. They just barely reached the moment where they could call each other friends, when this clusterfuck with Admiral Marcus happened.

“Captain, Jim, what is the meaning of all this?”

Jim had to admire the Vulcan’s restraint. At Jim’s request he’d kept quiet through the whole time it had taken to disarm the bomb, drive to the hired transporter and then the short ride to the docked starship. The enterprise wouldn’t be flightworthy for at least another six months, it was crawling with engineering crew repairing the hull but it was almost deserted inside, most of the crew given leave or reassigned to other vessels. Kirk managed to safely escort a suspiciously pleased looking Khan to one of the ambassador quarters and then he really couldn’t stop Spock from asking his questions. 

So now they were here, in Kirk’s captain quarters and Jim was facing the second hardest thing he had to do this day.

Jim sighed, letting his shoulders sag a bit and run a hand through his hair, probably messing it up completely. He could feel the red haze coming back slowly. It was almost four hours since Khan had touched him and the reprieve was already longer than any of the drugs he’d used before. Damn, but the man seemed to have been telling the truth.

“I had no other choice, Spock.” Jim started. “It all began with Bones using Khan’s blood to heal me.”

Spock frowned.

“Doctor McCoy said he used a synthetized compound.” 

Jim laughed because really, it was that or crying, and he was never one for crying.

“Later, to fix most of the damage, yes. At first though, those first moments he used Khan’s actual blood. It turns out that the bastard has the ability to sense and control, at least to some extent, his blood and what it does. He caused... changes in me. The blood affects my brain and body chemistry. Physically, it causes acute pain and uncontrollable shivers, but the worst part is the acute paranoia and anger it causes. Anger so deep and burning it almost pushes me into psychotic breaks.” Jim delivered calmly. “I tried medication of course but Khan must have predicted that beforehand because his blood gave me just enough regenerative abilities to make all the medications mostly ineffective. I have been taking seven times the normal dose of suppressants and the drugs work for shorter amounts of time each time I administer it. What’s more, my body has become mostly immune to any and all compounds with similar chemical structure. Additionally, every time the drugs wore off the rage and paranoia came back even stronger.”

“How strong?” interjected Spock.

“Remember Nero? It made him look like a fluffy bunny in comparison to me.”

Spock was quiet for a while, just watching Jim and obviously thinking through the implications of what was being said.

“You seem functional now, irritated and a little bit hyperaware but largely normal. For you, of course.” Jim snorted at the small jab.

“Yes, now we are coming to the second part of this very simple yet very effective failsafe for this little gamble of his. The only way to stop the... side effects is physical contact with him and his intent. The fact that I am not a raving lunatic right now is because he already gave me a small demonstration before.”

Jim closed his eyes and shuddered, the moment in the lift on the forefront of his mind. As much as he loathed it, he couldn’t stop remembering how it felt to have Khan press his hands against his skin, to have him so close. It was unsettling just how much the other man affected him.

“It’s actually a very effective and logical means of protection. Upon waking up in this century he would have been wary of being used as a science experiment. If his blood was proved to have almost unending healing capabilities it would stand to reason he would be used to extract continuous supply of it from his body. Willing or not. Therefore he invented a countermeasure that assured that his blood would become unusable. The time delay ensured that scientists would put both time and resources towards harvesting his regenerative abilities and when, after some time, the subjects began to fail they would be even less willing to continue their research.”

“Yeah.” Jim nodded bitterly. “Very effective, creative and twisted. Very much like the man.”

Spock blinked at him, and his face contorted into something that looked very much like grief, or maybe shame.

“I must apologize Jim. I should have foreseen this occurrence. Looking back now, taking into account just how genetically advanced Khan Noonien Singh is, I should have known using his blood would have consequences. In my defense, I researched the child that was healed with it before and there were no side effects. I am sorry. In my desperation to save your life I failed to think clearly.” The words were spoken softly, Spock obviously choosing them very carefully. “I failed you. Again.”

Jim shook his head. It was nobody’s fault. Oddly enough it wasn’t even Khan’s fault. He didn’t manipulate anyone into using his blood to heal Kirk.

“Never apologize for feeling. I think I told you that before.”

The silence that descended between them wasn’t as heavy as before but still not an easy thing. Too many things had happened already, more were yet to come and Jim could no longer turn back.

“It’s not my life that I fear for, Spock. It’s my sanity. The thought that I would lose this ship, lose this crew, even my freedom, only to live the rest of my life in heavy sedation or locked somewhere in a psych ward... I can’t deal with it. I would rather be dead.”

Jim rubbed his face.

“Having said that, you know I don’t believe in hopeless situations.” He gave a pale grin and got up to pace the room. He was feeling restless, uncomfortable, way too jumpy.

“I think it’s an opportunity. As much as he is a remorseless killer, he wasn’t treated right by the Starfleet either. God only knows what Marcus did to him during the year of his captivity. We never actually asked and most of the data is gone along with Section 31. I got him out of prison because we made a deal. I help to find his whole crew and wake them up and in exchange he will let go of revenge and any actions against the Starfleet or the Federation.”

“You should not believe that man’s words!” Spock said sharply, unexpected fire in his words. “We already saw how Khan being anybody’s captive turns out.” 

“That is why I promised that in the event he proved untrustworthy I would kill him and myself.” Jim turned to look Spock right in the eye. “And that you would still continue my mission and find each and every one of his crew.”

The Vulcan stayed silent for a long, startled moment.

“You did not threaten him with his crew.” It was spoken in a tone of revelation.

“Don’t look at me like that. I know it’s a gamble but it’s also a chance. This way we would have time, years maybe to change his mind. Without the threats he would not have enough of an enemy to focus on. He might change his mind yet. After all, everything he did, he did for his family. That implies he is capable of love and loyalty.”

“You mean for us, for the Enterprise crew to become his family too. You want to wake up his crew, because underneath their servitude they are still individuals, capable of their own choices. You hope they will form attachments to our crewmembers, thus changing Khan’s point of view.”

Jim slumped against a bookshelf.

“He could be an astounding ally. And we both know Starfleet will not kill him, his mind, his knowledge is too invaluable for it. As long as they have leverage, there will always be someone who will think they can use and control him. That is not the fate I would wish on my worst enemy.”

This time Spock rose from his seat, pacing opposite of Jim, his mind obviously racing through deductions, implications, and possible strategies. They had a great partnership there. Jim often thought up the most ridiculous ideas that straddled the thin line between genius and utter stupidity. Spock, on the other hand could dissect his ideas into smaller, more manageable pieces and plan the specific actions like no one else.

“I see now why you chose to hide him on this ship. It’s almost deserted now and once it’s flightworthy again we will have to choose the crew once more, only the officers will be the same. Out of those officers, only the ones that served the Alpha shift actually saw Khan’s face. Beside them only medical and engineering had any contact with him. The ensigns from the security teams have been already reassigned. If we give him another name to call himself, only those will know who he actually is. That is unexpectedly brilliant, Captain.” Spock praised him absently and Jim gave a tired smile.   
“Don’t knock desperation, Spock. It breeds unexpected ideas sometimes.”

“Indeed. We will have to bring Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, Scott and McCoy into the plot immediately. They need to know how to react to Khan in public, they might have ideas about…”

Jim tried to close his eyes for a moment, to compose himself, to keep control of himself that much longer. The haze was back, the words he heard were echoing strangely though his mind, difficult to understand. He felt like he was drifting, everything dark and quiet for a moment.

He jerked back into consciousness because his right hand hurt like fuck.

“Jim! Jim!” Spock sounded strangely frantic, almost scared.

Kirk blinked his eyes open, confused, only to find himself on the floor of his suddenly trashed room. Spock was straddling him, keeping his arms immobilized by his knees and obviously trying to wake him up. He had a bloody gash on his forehead and one sleeve of his jacket was torn and bloody.

“Are you with me, Captain?”

“I…” He blinked, gathering the various aches echoing through his body. “What happened?” His throat was oddly raw.

“I believe you had an episode. You looked pale so I asked if you were feeling worse. When you didn’t reply I reached out to touch you and you... went berserk. You ripped the shelf off the wall and attacked me with it. I managed to subdue you by using the Vulcan nerve pinch.”

Kirk stared dumbly at the blood slowly seeping from the Vulcan’s temple. It looked like he got in a few good licks before being put down. If it was anyone else than a super strong Vulcan he might have even killed them.

“I need to see Khan.” Spock frowned but nodded, getting up and pulling Jim upright with him.

“Gather everyone. Tell them what’s going on. Ask if they will help or if they want to reassign.”

“I will.” Spock was obviously unhappy while escorting Jim to Khan’s quarters. “Doctor McCoy will not like this.”

Jim snorted weakly. Yeah, the doctor was going to have something to say about this whole thing for sure.

His friend’s hands were unyielding but gentle, as Spock all but dragged him along.

“Jim. Captain. You don’t have to worry. I will... they will follow you.”

There was something lodged in his throat when he turned to the Vulcan.

“Thank you.” He wanted to say more, tell Spock that he was a friend, that he respected him, that he trusted him not only with his life but his sanity too but they were already at Khan’s door.

Spock’s face spoke volumes about how much he didn’t like this, but he said nothing, only pushed the chime.

Best. Damn. Friend. Ever.

The End  
09-06-2013


End file.
